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Saturday, 25 June 2011

Grim

I haven't posted here in ages. I probably won't post here regularly anyways.

I remember posting here and being cautious about what I put up here. Right now, I'm not too bothered, might feel different later though.

I guess I didn't want people to think a certain way about me or whatever. What people think of me is quite important. Well certain people anyways. I could care less about what strangers think of me. I feel like the people I see regularly are the ones I have to keep a good image in front of. If they don't like me, I'm absolutely gutted. Thing is, I'll go out of my way to help these people, I don't even want anything in return either, not a favour or anything. I guess knowing I helped someone is more than enough.

Anyways, I've finished uni now, results should be out sometime soon. Not entirely sure I want to see them. Don't think I've ever worked so hard before, I was so burned out when second semester started, I'm worried I didn't do enough. I'm pretty positive I've passed, but passing just isn't enough.

I have an assessment centre next month. If I do well enough I'll get a job, I think it would be a nice conclusion to this degree. I'd have to move and live somewhere else. The job also requires I travel to different clients. Sounds amazing, not entirely sure how I've got this far in the application process. I hope I'm more competent then I think.

Been at home since uni finished. Becoming increasingly more depressed? (might be unfair to use that word cause there are people who are legitimately depressed) days feel so long. Don't really enjoy doing anything I used to, I used to love playing MMO's. Now I can't play anything for more than an hour without getting bored and switching off. I remember when The Witcher 2 came out. I held off buying it cause of uni. Now I have it I can hardly play it for more than an hour.

It's weird. I got like this during uni too, I couldn't really eat, I didn't want to talk to anyone. Strangely I used to get so much work done when I was in t hese states. Began happening a lot more towards the end of uni. Occasionally, I feel the complete opposite. I feel like I have unlimited energy, everything is infinitely better. Like food tastes great, people seem more interesting, music sounds amazing. I wasn't productive when I felt like that. But it didn't matter. I felt like I had injected with some crazy drug, sad thing is I'd always come back down and feel shitty again.

I haven't had that feeling for ages.

I don't really feel better about typing this all. My thumbs feel stiff (did this from my phone). I don't talk to people about this sort of stuff cause I feel like no one really wants to hear my bullshit. Everyone has their own crap to deal with.

Whatever anyways.

Sab.

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