I was thinking, is life a predetermined path? Or is it just a bunch of random choices? I mean if I decided I was going to do nothing for the rest of my life, was that my choice? Cause if it's a predetermined path then it really wasn't. A predetermined path would mean that we don't have any freedom over the choices we make, if it's going to happen, then it's going to happen. There was no way to avoid it, if I was going to get hit by a car tomorrow then that's it.
If life is a predetermined path then surely there's a greater power dictating it. I wonder, it's seems like a shitload of work to create a story(a path? a road map?) for every single person in the world. Life being a predetermined path seems unfair, no matter what I'll do I will be whatever was predetermined for me. In someway, it would be comforting, I could fob off anything that happened me and decide it wasn't my fault and there was nothing I could do to stop it. But if life isn't predetermined I'd have to look at myself, and say "Shit. Was that my fault? Should I have said that? Maybe if I did this, maybe if I did that".
I think this is why people believe in God or a higher power, I don't think it's a massive commitment either (Just to clarify I don't pray weekly or anything like that), even if you're unsure about God existing all you really have to do is commit a few hours a week for someone who might or might not be there. And fuck if you're wrong, it won't make a difference once your dead cause if you were wrong, you aren't gonna' know you were wrong. But if you were right, God's up there in heaven happily sitting on a cloud with a list of people who dedicated their time to him in life. I guess you'd be set for the rest of your afterlife.
I don't know if I believe in God, but if there is a higher power, I don't think God really cares about everyone, or maybe God does care, but God doesn't have the power dictate how people act. Maybe the galaxy is just God's 'ant farm' and God is just watching how we've all evolved over the years, how we've colonized Earth.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this, it doesn't matter I guess, sounds like stoner talk. Fuck if I know.
I want to sleep. But I'm not tired. I don't want to sleep too late because I'll wake up late. Might just set my alarm for 9 and sleep early tomorrow night. I don't know. It doesn't really matter anyways. Just rambling at the moment.
I want to go away for a awhile. Just disappear for a few weeks or something. Not even take my phone. Just forget everything. I'm not sure where, I know I want to though.
I had this weird dream a few days ago. I can't remember much of it, but one part kinda' just stuck with. Was a shitload of dead animals in nets, everything was black and all I could see were these nets. I don't even know how I thought that up. Woke up feeling weird though. I don't know what it meant. I remember whining a little about how mundane my dreams were, looking back I'd rather of had a mundane dream than seeing that. I think I might start trying to document my dreams, or my weirder ones anyways. Could start finding something interesting. Can't be worse than waking up and looking for work.
Nunwood didn't get back to me on Friday, so I'm expecting an email on Monday containing a shitload of rejection. Oh well. Maybe they had more people to see on Monday? If it was that bad they'd of got back to me on Friday I guess.
I'm done anyways.