Lazy. Can't be bothered updating this. Nothing new, working at the moment. Less time to dick around I guess. Still need to find permanent work though. That's about it. Kinda' just lumbering along at the moment, it's fine, it's ok. Seems like a waste though.
I can't seem to forget things, or let of things. Bit of an issue. Things or people that don't matter (maybe things or people I actually want to matter) still bother me. I don't think I'm going to put the effort in with some people.
"Hey oh! Forget about it!"
Still somewhat unhappy though, I don't think anyone really clicks on, I seem to be able to get through everyday without people even assuming I'm miserable. Not sure if it's good or bad. Can be draining though, especially when you kinda' have to keep this stupid grin on your face for the best part of the day. Working in an environment where customer support is important probably isn't the best place for me.
A fair few people here seems to have this fakeness to them. Everyone's happy to smile and be polite to other people to get what they want. Don't get me wrong, not everyone is like this, but a lot of them are, it's become really obvious who these people are. But I guess it's become much more obvious with people I've met over the past year while studying too. I don't want to harp on it, but I remember someone telling me "do you think we'll ever see them again after uni? maybe they were just friendly with us cause it was convenient." I kinda' just said "I dunno', I hope not." It was wishful thinking on my part. Pretty fucking gutted. I'm not sure, sometimes I really think they really didn't give a shit. Other times I think their just oblivious to the whole thing. It doesn't matter. It changes nothing. I went out of my way for a one person. I don't even know why, I knew I wouldn't get anything in return, there was no payout. I was positive they wouldn't really care if I put the effort in or not. I'm not complaining, not at all. I just..I don't know. I really don't.
There are people who are genuine, I like these people. They don't seem to want anything from you, and even if they give you something they don't really want anything in return.
Anyways, I'm working at the College I did my placement at, I'm actually getting paid this time though. Pretty chuffed about that. Strange thing happened, on my way home, go to the train station, there's a bloke asking for money. Told him I had nothing. He called me a dick. I didn't bother saying anything back. The thing is, I remember this guy from when I was on placement, this was over a year ago. He asked for some money. I gave him enough to buy a sandwich and a drink. He clearly didn't remember. I don't even know why I remember.
Seriously, fuck that guy. I'm the dick? No, I'm positive I'm not the dick. I was hardly earning anything while I was on placement I should have just said no, I don't have anything. Ungrateful cunt.